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Beautiful by ~arnorath:iconarnorath:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Other Romance > Open


Your beautiful heart beats against mine
Your beautiful mind is at rest
Your beautiful fingers lie still in my palm
Your beautiful, gentle caress

Your beautiful eyes flutter and open
Your beautiful skin is like gold
Your beautiful features come alive in the dawn light
Your beautiful smile unfolds

Your beautiful face chases the shadows away
Your beautiful voice is low
Your beautiful words ease my love-laden heart
Your beautiful love fills my soul

Your beautiful lips press against me
Your beautiful tongue entwines
My face is buried in your beautiful hair
I'm in love with your beautiful life
©2008-2009 ~arnorath
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Submitted: February 7, 2008
File Size: 779 bytes
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Comments: 51
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~trezoid:icontrezoid: Feb 8, 2008, 12:58:59 AM
that is...nice, but i don't like the second stanza...

just me, but the 3rd and 4th lines are a bit...out of the rythem...

but, you know me...i have no idea how you could improve it...:D

--
You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.

About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things.
~arnorath:iconarnorath: Feb 8, 2008, 1:18:05 AM
yeah, i'm not so sure about those two lines either. if you recall, those were the lines i was having trouble with before, and i still haven't really found anything to go there that works. i think i'll have to more or less redo the whole stanza for it to make sense.

thanks for the feedback.

==Arn==

--
I AM A SEXY SHOELESS GOD OF WAR!!!

if she's an organ donor, it's not necrophilia
~pentacle-witch:iconpentacle-witch: Feb 8, 2008, 1:36:18 AM
yeah, i agree with you too. it don't seem finished yet or something is missing. still love the concept of your poem. very nice.

--
Left-Handed and Proud!

New Age Thinker!

REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.
~arnorath:iconarnorath: Feb 8, 2008, 1:45:13 AM
thankyou

--
I AM A SEXY SHOELESS GOD OF WAR!!!

if she's an organ donor, it's not necrophilia
~yayforspenny:iconyayforspenny: Feb 8, 2008, 4:04:59 PM
love this one as well

--
I am walking on the bridge. I am over the water! And I'm scared as hell. But I know there's something better...
--Paula Cole

COPYRIGHT
icon base by Hollinesskiss
icon edited by Nonzev
~estilotimida:iconestilotimida: Feb 8, 2008, 10:32:42 PM
I LOVE IT!

--
"...and it is ignorance that is our deepest malady."
~ J. Michael Bishop
~pentacle-witch:iconpentacle-witch: Feb 8, 2008, 11:52:26 PM
your welcome!

--
Left-Handed and Proud!

New Age Thinker!

REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.
~arnorath:iconarnorath: Feb 9, 2008, 2:21:12 AM
thankyou!

--
I AM A SEXY SHOELESS GOD OF WAR!!!

if she's an organ donor, it's not necrophilia
~arnorath:iconarnorath: Feb 9, 2008, 2:22:05 AM
thanks. i'm still not quite satisfied with it...perhaps a revisit to the 2nd stanza is in order...

thanks for the fav!

==Arn==

--
I AM A SEXY SHOELESS GOD OF WAR!!!

if she's an organ donor, it's not necrophilia
~yayforspenny:iconyayforspenny: Feb 9, 2008, 10:18:36 AM
make sure that when you redo the poem, you let me know :)

--
I am walking on the bridge. I am over the water! And I'm scared as hell. But I know there's something better...
--Paula Cole

COPYRIGHT
icon base by Hollinesskiss
icon edited by Nonzev
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